I was looking back at my baby blog
http://whatwouldbuddha-do.blogspot.com/ for the P-nutt yesterday and I forgot how scared poopless I was about it all. I can laugh now because it all worked itself out. I remember it was all so sureal until she was born and I got my first look at her. They brought her over to us and all I remember was looking into her little tiny dark eyes...and she was so real and beautiful. I felt my heart literally just swell in my chest and will take that moment with me on into eternity.


So here I am the second time around....and I feel so calm. I have this sense of feeling at peace and that I can handle it and not be so frightened of the "great unknown". I am no less excited and I still have worries and concerns but they seem to be more about "balance". Like how can I balance it all so that Shelbz and P-nutt and new baby and hubby (and dog and cats too) all have enough of the love and attention they need. How am I going to balance family, and finishing my last 3 quarters of school and working? Am I going to be able to handle an eight year old, a two year old and a new baby? How am I going to get through another year and a half of breastfeeding (sorry guys) without some sort of "lactation vacation". I mean when it's all said and done I will have been nursing babies for three straight years.....if you had asked me five years ago if I thought that that would be the case I would have laughed so hard I probably would have pee'ed my pants. How the hell am I going to run with a dualie jogging stroller? Am I going to go insane from lack of sleep?
OMG....we are going to be a family of five!!!! I hadn't really thought of that before. Holy crap-ola! Five of us at the dinner table. Five of us trying to sleep in our bed on a Saturday morning (as it is four of us is a crunch and we have a humungus bed). Five of us on vacation. Three kids to graduate highschool and go to college. Three times drivers ed, three weddings, three stockings to fill at Christmas. Three first heartaches....three different but sweet personalities all the biggest part of our lives.
OMG!!!!! We are going to have three kids! For some reason two just seemed so easygoing. I don't know why I am freaking out....I mean there were three of us (me, my sister and brother) before my mom had the twins. We were a tightknit three and it seemed just fine for us. I think it is hard to wrap my brain around. So there goes my feeling of calmness. Damn why do I always have to jinx myself. Now I won't be able to sleep as I have ten million thoughts and worries about our three children running through my head. OMG.....Good thing I am running tonight.